I LIED.
I'm sorry, faithful reader(s). You see, what happened was... I got overwhelmed in school... And then I got overwhelmed again. It's currently one in the morning where I live, and I'm typing this from a computer lab at the university. Exams are in two and a half weeks. After they are done, it's time to revive this blog. I've listened to a lot of new music since then, seen some movies, and ate (and pooped) a lot of vegetarian meals, since my full-time conversion in January. THEREFORE... I owe you one. Okay, several. Reviews, not poops. So stay tuned.
Standby. This is the time.
And this is the record of the time.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, November 3, 2008
okay so
I lied. Feckfeck caught me. I'm sorry. I failed to take into consideration how busy my other obligations would make me. Namely, my education, my research, and my job. That said. I'm gon' write somethin' real nice for you folks soon. I have no class tomorrow, and I just acquired some Diamanda Galás. Although I honestly have no idea how to review that, it's worth a shot.
I don't know. Something. If I don't havesomething posted by the 7th THREE REVIEWS BY MONTH'S END (no rly guise), you can find me and eat my brains. It's okay.
I don't know. Something. If I don't have
Thursday, August 28, 2008
not dead yet
Hello, faithful masses.
I would like to apologize for my prolonged absence. I really have no excuse but sheer laziness and a few familial and work-related incidents. That said, I promise promise promise to bring you lots of exciting goodies soon. I've started a few lists, and I know I mentioned a review of Sam Phillips' The Indescribable Wow. That said, I have nothing to offer you today but apologies (no fellatio, soz). Fear not, children. I'll be back, hasta la vista baby, milk is for babies, when you grow up you have to drink beer.
<3
I would like to apologize for my prolonged absence. I really have no excuse but sheer laziness and a few familial and work-related incidents. That said, I promise promise promise to bring you lots of exciting goodies soon. I've started a few lists, and I know I mentioned a review of Sam Phillips' The Indescribable Wow. That said, I have nothing to offer you today but apologies (no fellatio, soz). Fear not, children. I'll be back, hasta la vista baby, milk is for babies, when you grow up you have to drink beer.
<3
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Grace into disorder: 'The Turning,' Leslie Phillips
O HAY THAR INTARWEBZ.
Today's review is on The Turning by Leslie Phillips (1987), which, apparently, is One Of The Greatest Contemporary Christian Music ("CCM") Albums Of All Time. Oh crap.
LOL SHITTY LO-RES COVER ART
Now, I'm about as Christian as the Pope is Catholic. But despite my transgressions against God and Man due to my heathen-y, godless communist ways, I have historically listened to a little bit of the bland crappy crap crap known as CCM. Upon listening to said bland crappy crap crap on and (mostly) off for the last five years, I have concluded, through mathematical logic, that The Turning is not, in fact, CCM. BEHOLD MY REASONING SKILLZ.
Don't you wish your maths skills were this awesome? I learned how to do that in calculus!
Anyway, Phillips had been doing pretty cheesy Christian pop music until this point. But then something happened. I don't really know what, as I can't claim to know her life story, but she started writing darker songs and apparently wasn't entirely comfortable with her record label and its proclamation that she was the "Christian Cyndi Lauper". She also apparently had more than few struggles with her faith. So she hooked up with producer T-Bone Burnett (and he produced the record, too! HAHA! HAHA!) and recorded The Turning. After that, she got dropped from her old label and began recording secular pop/rock music with the likes of Brian Wilson's BFF Van Dyke Parks under the name Sam Phillips. The first "Sam" album, The Indescribable Wow, is really amazing, and I promise a review of it in the future.
But first, The Turning.
The album starts off with the soft and acoustic-y "River of Love." I am under the impression, too, that said River of Love is not River Phoenix, or the Ganges, or the Nile. I'm pretty sure it's actually Jesus, since apparently there's a river of love that runs through all time, and Jesus is famous for that whole eternity thing. But you never know with those CCM records - they can be tricky and soooooo opaque sometimes. This is a really nice song though, and it sets the tone for the rest of the album, as it's slightly dark but full of emotion. Understated, with floral notes and a distinct woody undertone, layered with --- wait, wrong review.
"Love is Not Lost" sounds a little bit more like it has a secular influence, both in terms of musical and lyrical content. Sister Sles (God, I am so fucking clever) attempts to do some kind of screechy punk-pop thing, pre-dating Avril Lavigne by 15 years and somehow still not sucking! Anyway, it's one of those boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, you-know-the-rest songs (those are actually in the lyrics, I'm not shitting you) but Sameslie reminds the listener that we shouldn't give up on love, because, hey, love is not lost. Go figure.
The title track is really dark compared to the last two tracks (and they weren't really a walk in the park), and relies a lot on harmonies and rounds of Sleslie's vocals. It's really produced and arranged well, and the music is well-composed. The verses are very percussion heavy, and then the jangly guitars get all strummy-like in the mantra-ish chorus: "And when it turns on me/Don't let it turn me." My guess, again, is that "it" is her faith in God, since the song thematically deals with struggling with changes in a relationship to or with something.
The next song, "Libera Me," is a Burnett composition, and one of the best on the album. It starts out with minimal instrumentation (electric guitar and handclaps back the first verse), then progressively adds more sonic variations (bass, then drums, then backing vocals) until it becomes a full-fledged pop-rock romp. The lyrics are quite good, and the title of this review is derived from one of the better lines in the song: "I know there is a place/Free from no borders/ Before I turn this grace/Into disorder." The title, which kind of upset and confused me at first, is actually derived from a part of Latin Mass and translates to "Deliver Me," which is quite appropriate given the subject matter.
"Carry You" reprises the darker musical arrangements and vocal harmonies from "The Turning" but is generally more simplistic in its approach. The electric guitar throughout the song makes me feel like I'm listening to a spaghetti Western in slow-mo. The lyrics seem a bit half-arsed in terms of effort, but they actually work well in terms of affecting the listener: "When the water's too high/I will carry you" are the only lyrics in the whole goddamned song, with the exception of two repetitions of "When the night is too black," but Sleslie will still carry us here. Thank God, I was getting scared. This song, for me anyway, sort of has a double meaning: I feel like (given the context of the album so far) it's probably something God would say to His believers when they are struggling with their respective faiths. However, I think it makes a nice (albeit incredibly simple) proclamation of unconditional love for another person, too.
"Beating Heart" is another upbeat number, and the most straightforwardly rock song on this album. The verse features Sleslie questioning her life and how long it will last: "How long have I got/Before passion gives up its fire/How long have I got/Before time strangles desire/Oh, my fear is to leave here/Never having really arrived." She establishes a clear belief in God here, it seems, but also is uncertain of said God's plans for her. HEAV-Y, man.
"Expectations" has an excellent arrangement musically - it's very different compared to the other songs on the album, as the rhythmic percussion (sounds like a marimba or a xylophone or bells or something? Jesus Christ, I don't know. It goes fucking "dinky dinky dink dink") provides the framework for the song musically, while the drums are being played at a different pace. The vocals are even screechier than "Love Is Not Lost," which sucks, because it makes an otherwise cool song a bit less tolerable than it ought to be.
My favorite song on The Turning is probably "Down." Oddly enough, this is the only song that betrays this album's age, due to the synthesized hand claps and drum programming. This is the most doubteriffic (I made that word up, amazingly enough) song on the album, and also the most dark. Even darker than "The Turning," which at least has a hypnotic and catchy chorus to balance things. The lyrics show her doubting (and even rejecting) her faith while God tries to keep her from straying through... Christ, fucking pleading: "Down/Comes my religion like leaves/On winter trees/Down/You come to me/With Your love on hands and knees." Wow. Wow. I don't know how a Christian label actually accepted this totally... non-praisey song. The vocals further reveal her anger and dissatisfaction with her religion (Sleslie has famously rejected born-again theology). Greeeeaaaaat song.
"Answers Don't Come Easy" departs from the almost tortured "Down" completely. The lyrics are full of faith ("I can wait/It's enough to feel so near you now/And when answers don't come easy/I can wait"). The song, musically speaking, is mellow pop and even comforting. Phillips is actually singing. This is almost a lullaby. Except with drums. The guitars are rich and shimmery. Everything is perfect about this song. It would be the perfect end to the album, if not for the REAL last track...
"God Is Watching You." OH HOLY CHRIST WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP. I almost didn't buy the album upon seeing this title and reading the lyrics. Really. It was that scary and intimidating. I think Sleslie was probably pressured by record execs to put at least one obnoxious God-fearin' track on this album, so T-Cake wrote her a song so she didn't wind up in the corner in a fetal position. It's a nice song and flows well (acoustic guitar arrangement = yay) if I ignore the fact that the lyrics are heavy-handed religious crap. Thankfully, since Burnett wrote the words to this song, I take a little comfort in it and I can pretend it's not really a Sleslie Phillips song. Plus, since it's the last song, if it ever becomes too offensive, it can be easily ignored. That said, it's a fucking earworm and I actually found myself singing it in my kitchen yesterday. Goddamnit.
Anyway, Leslie (now secular Sam! Don't you love clever alliteration?) really did a nice job with this album. Admittedly, Burnett's presence helped a lot: I can't imagine the songs being produced or arranged in a different way and working out. In addition, his production (with a few minor exceptions, as mentioned previously) and her instrumentation are done well enough not to betray the year this album was made. She's a great songwriter, and isn't too heavy-handed (*cough* T-Bone) when it comes to her God lyrics. Basically, this is a great album that I absolutely refuse to lump in with the rather uninteresting genre of CCM... but really... it is super Christian-y in terms of theme and lyrics, so... I... I AM SO TORN. Anyway, totally and completely recommended. Buy it now. Or download it off iTunes. Seriously.
The Turning, Leslie (Sam)* Phillips - 9/10
*This was re-released in 1997 under the Sam moniker, but the original 1987 (vinyl and cassette only, I think) release says "Leslie."
Today's review is on The Turning by Leslie Phillips (1987), which, apparently, is One Of The Greatest Contemporary Christian Music ("CCM") Albums Of All Time. Oh crap.
LOL SHITTY LO-RES COVER ARTNow, I'm about as Christian as the Pope is Catholic. But despite my transgressions against God and Man due to my heathen-y, godless communist ways, I have historically listened to a little bit of the bland crappy crap crap known as CCM. Upon listening to said bland crappy crap crap on and (mostly) off for the last five years, I have concluded, through mathematical logic, that The Turning is not, in fact, CCM. BEHOLD MY REASONING SKILLZ.
CCM is bland crappy crap crap.
The Turning is not bland crappy crap crap.
Therefore, The Turning is not CCM.
The Turning is not bland crappy crap crap.
Therefore, The Turning is not CCM.
Don't you wish your maths skills were this awesome? I learned how to do that in calculus!
Anyway, Phillips had been doing pretty cheesy Christian pop music until this point. But then something happened. I don't really know what, as I can't claim to know her life story, but she started writing darker songs and apparently wasn't entirely comfortable with her record label and its proclamation that she was the "Christian Cyndi Lauper". She also apparently had more than few struggles with her faith. So she hooked up with producer T-Bone Burnett (and he produced the record, too! HAHA! HAHA!) and recorded The Turning. After that, she got dropped from her old label and began recording secular pop/rock music with the likes of Brian Wilson's BFF Van Dyke Parks under the name Sam Phillips. The first "Sam" album, The Indescribable Wow, is really amazing, and I promise a review of it in the future.
But first, The Turning.
The album starts off with the soft and acoustic-y "River of Love." I am under the impression, too, that said River of Love is not River Phoenix, or the Ganges, or the Nile. I'm pretty sure it's actually Jesus, since apparently there's a river of love that runs through all time, and Jesus is famous for that whole eternity thing. But you never know with those CCM records - they can be tricky and soooooo opaque sometimes. This is a really nice song though, and it sets the tone for the rest of the album, as it's slightly dark but full of emotion. Understated, with floral notes and a distinct woody undertone, layered with --- wait, wrong review.
"Love is Not Lost" sounds a little bit more like it has a secular influence, both in terms of musical and lyrical content. Sister Sles (God, I am so fucking clever) attempts to do some kind of screechy punk-pop thing, pre-dating Avril Lavigne by 15 years and somehow still not sucking! Anyway, it's one of those boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, you-know-the-rest songs (those are actually in the lyrics, I'm not shitting you) but Sameslie reminds the listener that we shouldn't give up on love, because, hey, love is not lost. Go figure.
The title track is really dark compared to the last two tracks (and they weren't really a walk in the park), and relies a lot on harmonies and rounds of Sleslie's vocals. It's really produced and arranged well, and the music is well-composed. The verses are very percussion heavy, and then the jangly guitars get all strummy-like in the mantra-ish chorus: "And when it turns on me/Don't let it turn me." My guess, again, is that "it" is her faith in God, since the song thematically deals with struggling with changes in a relationship to or with something.
The next song, "Libera Me," is a Burnett composition, and one of the best on the album. It starts out with minimal instrumentation (electric guitar and handclaps back the first verse), then progressively adds more sonic variations (bass, then drums, then backing vocals) until it becomes a full-fledged pop-rock romp. The lyrics are quite good, and the title of this review is derived from one of the better lines in the song: "I know there is a place/Free from no borders/ Before I turn this grace/Into disorder." The title, which kind of upset and confused me at first, is actually derived from a part of Latin Mass and translates to "Deliver Me," which is quite appropriate given the subject matter.
"Carry You" reprises the darker musical arrangements and vocal harmonies from "The Turning" but is generally more simplistic in its approach. The electric guitar throughout the song makes me feel like I'm listening to a spaghetti Western in slow-mo. The lyrics seem a bit half-arsed in terms of effort, but they actually work well in terms of affecting the listener: "When the water's too high/I will carry you" are the only lyrics in the whole goddamned song, with the exception of two repetitions of "When the night is too black," but Sleslie will still carry us here. Thank God, I was getting scared. This song, for me anyway, sort of has a double meaning: I feel like (given the context of the album so far) it's probably something God would say to His believers when they are struggling with their respective faiths. However, I think it makes a nice (albeit incredibly simple) proclamation of unconditional love for another person, too.
"Beating Heart" is another upbeat number, and the most straightforwardly rock song on this album. The verse features Sleslie questioning her life and how long it will last: "How long have I got/Before passion gives up its fire/How long have I got/Before time strangles desire/Oh, my fear is to leave here/Never having really arrived." She establishes a clear belief in God here, it seems, but also is uncertain of said God's plans for her. HEAV-Y, man.
"Expectations" has an excellent arrangement musically - it's very different compared to the other songs on the album, as the rhythmic percussion (sounds like a marimba or a xylophone or bells or something? Jesus Christ, I don't know. It goes fucking "dinky dinky dink dink") provides the framework for the song musically, while the drums are being played at a different pace. The vocals are even screechier than "Love Is Not Lost," which sucks, because it makes an otherwise cool song a bit less tolerable than it ought to be.
My favorite song on The Turning is probably "Down." Oddly enough, this is the only song that betrays this album's age, due to the synthesized hand claps and drum programming. This is the most doubteriffic (I made that word up, amazingly enough) song on the album, and also the most dark. Even darker than "The Turning," which at least has a hypnotic and catchy chorus to balance things. The lyrics show her doubting (and even rejecting) her faith while God tries to keep her from straying through... Christ, fucking pleading: "Down/Comes my religion like leaves/On winter trees/Down/You come to me/With Your love on hands and knees." Wow. Wow. I don't know how a Christian label actually accepted this totally... non-praisey song. The vocals further reveal her anger and dissatisfaction with her religion (Sleslie has famously rejected born-again theology). Greeeeaaaaat song.
"Answers Don't Come Easy" departs from the almost tortured "Down" completely. The lyrics are full of faith ("I can wait/It's enough to feel so near you now/And when answers don't come easy/I can wait"). The song, musically speaking, is mellow pop and even comforting. Phillips is actually singing. This is almost a lullaby. Except with drums. The guitars are rich and shimmery. Everything is perfect about this song. It would be the perfect end to the album, if not for the REAL last track...
"God Is Watching You." OH HOLY CHRIST WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP. I almost didn't buy the album upon seeing this title and reading the lyrics. Really. It was that scary and intimidating. I think Sleslie was probably pressured by record execs to put at least one obnoxious God-fearin' track on this album, so T-Cake wrote her a song so she didn't wind up in the corner in a fetal position. It's a nice song and flows well (acoustic guitar arrangement = yay) if I ignore the fact that the lyrics are heavy-handed religious crap. Thankfully, since Burnett wrote the words to this song, I take a little comfort in it and I can pretend it's not really a Sleslie Phillips song. Plus, since it's the last song, if it ever becomes too offensive, it can be easily ignored. That said, it's a fucking earworm and I actually found myself singing it in my kitchen yesterday. Goddamnit.
Anyway, Leslie (now secular Sam! Don't you love clever alliteration?) really did a nice job with this album. Admittedly, Burnett's presence helped a lot: I can't imagine the songs being produced or arranged in a different way and working out. In addition, his production (with a few minor exceptions, as mentioned previously) and her instrumentation are done well enough not to betray the year this album was made. She's a great songwriter, and isn't too heavy-handed (*cough* T-Bone) when it comes to her God lyrics. Basically, this is a great album that I absolutely refuse to lump in with the rather uninteresting genre of CCM... but really... it is super Christian-y in terms of theme and lyrics, so... I... I AM SO TORN. Anyway, totally and completely recommended. Buy it now. Or download it off iTunes. Seriously.
The Turning, Leslie (Sam)* Phillips - 9/10
*This was re-released in 1997 under the Sam moniker, but the original 1987 (vinyl and cassette only, I think) release says "Leslie."
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Dinnar on Canadia Day
Today's dinner: Vegetarian Crap and a Wild Cherry Pepsi!
The Food
Today, instead of the usual horrendously unhealthy dinner I have in absentia parentis, I decided to go to the freezer of the local not-shitty grocery store to get a semi-balanced heat and eat thinger. This was probably a bad decision, as when it comes to meals, I am The Worst Decision-Maker On The Entire Fucking Planet. After spending about forty-six hours in front of the freezer trying to make up my fucking mind, I decided on this:
The Box:
"Amy's Southern Meals: Cornbread & Beans with Greens and Sweet Potatoes." Thrilling.
Now, if you know me - chances are you don't - then you know I love Southern cooking. I don't love the tremendous amount of pork fat used in preparing said Southern cooking. I am not a big fan of ham hocks randomly floating around in something I'm eating, donchaknow? And to be quite honest, vegetables should never ever ever EVER taste like meat.
That said, I also enjoy feeling like I'm eating unhealthily when I'm actually eating healthy food (wait, hang on a minute...). So when I saw a vegetarian Southern-style frozen thinger (from Amy's no less, who makes pretty good dishes - including a very nice, albeit high in sodium, mattar tofu), I jumped on it like a howler monkey jumps on an Amazonian native in a late July rainstorm.
As I sat around and waited for it to cook, I started reading the back of the box. Sez here that "a friend of ours who comes from Louisiana helped us create this traditional meal" - WHOA HOLD ON A FUCKING MINUTE. 1) There's little to nothing traditional about a vegetarian, organic, only-5g-of-sat-fat fucking Southern frozen dinner. I live in the South, I know these things. 2) There are only three fucking vegetarians in Louisiana, which, due to the immense statistical improbability, leads me to believe Amy's is lying. Then again, of all people who'd know a vegetarian Louisianian, it'd probably be these hippies. My outlandish claims have been validated by my dear friend Kristopher says that the three vegetables essential to Louisianian cooking are "pork fat, roux, oh yeah, and some pepper"... y'all. SO THERE.
Anyway, blahblahblah, microwave. Here's what it actually looked like when cooked:
Yes, the orange is Photoshopped. Now, why on Earth would I do that, dear reader, if I wanted an accurate review? Oh, yeah: BECAUSE I WANTED AN ACCURATE REVIEW. You see, my webcam, although very much appreciated and loved, apparently doesn't speak orange. It showed up as this rather disgusting pale peach when I tried to photograph it, so I figured I'd attempt to make it look more attractive. Because, really, this actually looked almost as pretty as the image on the box. Really, I promise.
The Taste:
This was pretty good. The beans and the cornbread were actually really good - I wasn't expected a moist or sweet cornbread from a frozen dinner, but I got both and was really pleased. The sweet potatoes were kind of bland and would have benefited from some cinnamon or nutmeg or SOMETHING GOD because they really were so pretty, and eating them was the least enjoyable experience of the whole thing. As for the collard greens, they were quite yummy (cooked in vinegar) but then OH MY GOD MUSHROOMS. I don't really have much against mushrooms, but WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY DOING IN THE COLLARD GREENS THEY DO NOT BELONG THERE. That said, they were easily pushed aside and didn't detract from the flavor of the greens, because, honestly, greens soaked in vinegar WILL dominate your taste buds.
Satiety:
Lacking a little here, as I am absolutely fucking starving a little over an hour later. Granted, I am known as the human garbage disposal amongst friends due to the fact I eat a lot - all the fucking time - and am always hungry. But still - a meal with these ingredients (and of this size - 10 oz./283g, as the box clearly fucking says) should seriously fill you up for at least three or so hours. Then again, 12g of protein... Maybe not.
Nutrition Facts:
Fuck you! Look these up yourself. All I'm going to say is there's milk and wheat, so don't eat this if you're a) vegan, b) lactose intolerant, and/or c) have a gluten allergy. Oh, and it's really high in sodium (780mg, or 33% of a 2000 Calorie diet).
Poop Potential:
Wait, what? Okay, so, I have a digestive disorder, so I'm going to include this in some of the posts (most of the food ones, and maybe a few of the electronics reviews...!) I make here, because my target audience is actually ME. That said, I'll be nice and mask them in the color of my background, so you can highlight to read if you actually want to.
Okay, so, I feel like this won't necessarily cause anything majorly catastrophic in terms of bathroom behavior. However, given the ingredients, I recommend lots of air freshening products and WWI-era gas masks. Things could get ugly. That said, minimal poop-age, more horrible gas.
Now, moving on!
The Drink
... Do you really have to ask? It's fucking Wild Cherry Pepsi and therefore amazing in a can.
The Can:
Not the Can:
Mmm, delicious.
The Verdict
All things considered, this was a pretty good meal. The frozen dinner was of good quality and what I expected from Amy's. At $4.89USD, however, it was kind of expensive for how... not-filling it was. So, pretty tasty, good ingredients, not very satisfying, little (immediate) discomfort, bright colours, and slightly expensive...
Amy's Southern Meals: Cornbread & Beans with Greens and Sweet Potatoes - 4/5
As for the Pepsi, shut up. You know it's amazing.
Wild Cherry Pepsi - 17/5
Recommended: Yes.
NOW GO AWAI!
The Food
Today, instead of the usual horrendously unhealthy dinner I have in absentia parentis, I decided to go to the freezer of the local not-shitty grocery store to get a semi-balanced heat and eat thinger. This was probably a bad decision, as when it comes to meals, I am The Worst Decision-Maker On The Entire Fucking Planet. After spending about forty-six hours in front of the freezer trying to make up my fucking mind, I decided on this:
The Box:
"Amy's Southern Meals: Cornbread & Beans with Greens and Sweet Potatoes." Thrilling.Now, if you know me - chances are you don't - then you know I love Southern cooking. I don't love the tremendous amount of pork fat used in preparing said Southern cooking. I am not a big fan of ham hocks randomly floating around in something I'm eating, donchaknow? And to be quite honest, vegetables should never ever ever EVER taste like meat.
That said, I also enjoy feeling like I'm eating unhealthily when I'm actually eating healthy food (wait, hang on a minute...). So when I saw a vegetarian Southern-style frozen thinger (from Amy's no less, who makes pretty good dishes - including a very nice, albeit high in sodium, mattar tofu), I jumped on it like a howler monkey jumps on an Amazonian native in a late July rainstorm.
As I sat around and waited for it to cook, I started reading the back of the box. Sez here that "a friend of ours who comes from Louisiana helped us create this traditional meal" - WHOA HOLD ON A FUCKING MINUTE. 1) There's little to nothing traditional about a vegetarian, organic, only-5g-of-sat-fat fucking Southern frozen dinner. I live in the South, I know these things. 2) There are only three fucking vegetarians in Louisiana, which, due to the immense statistical improbability, leads me to believe Amy's is lying. Then again, of all people who'd know a vegetarian Louisianian, it'd probably be these hippies. My outlandish claims have been validated by my dear friend Kristopher says that the three vegetables essential to Louisianian cooking are "pork fat, roux, oh yeah, and some pepper"... y'all. SO THERE.
Anyway, blahblahblah, microwave. Here's what it actually looked like when cooked:
Yes, the orange is Photoshopped. Now, why on Earth would I do that, dear reader, if I wanted an accurate review? Oh, yeah: BECAUSE I WANTED AN ACCURATE REVIEW. You see, my webcam, although very much appreciated and loved, apparently doesn't speak orange. It showed up as this rather disgusting pale peach when I tried to photograph it, so I figured I'd attempt to make it look more attractive. Because, really, this actually looked almost as pretty as the image on the box. Really, I promise.
The Taste:
This was pretty good. The beans and the cornbread were actually really good - I wasn't expected a moist or sweet cornbread from a frozen dinner, but I got both and was really pleased. The sweet potatoes were kind of bland and would have benefited from some cinnamon or nutmeg or SOMETHING GOD because they really were so pretty, and eating them was the least enjoyable experience of the whole thing. As for the collard greens, they were quite yummy (cooked in vinegar) but then OH MY GOD MUSHROOMS. I don't really have much against mushrooms, but WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY DOING IN THE COLLARD GREENS THEY DO NOT BELONG THERE. That said, they were easily pushed aside and didn't detract from the flavor of the greens, because, honestly, greens soaked in vinegar WILL dominate your taste buds.
Satiety:
Lacking a little here, as I am absolutely fucking starving a little over an hour later. Granted, I am known as the human garbage disposal amongst friends due to the fact I eat a lot - all the fucking time - and am always hungry. But still - a meal with these ingredients (and of this size - 10 oz./283g, as the box clearly fucking says) should seriously fill you up for at least three or so hours. Then again, 12g of protein... Maybe not.
Nutrition Facts:
Fuck you! Look these up yourself. All I'm going to say is there's milk and wheat, so don't eat this if you're a) vegan, b) lactose intolerant, and/or c) have a gluten allergy. Oh, and it's really high in sodium (780mg, or 33% of a 2000 Calorie diet).
Poop Potential:
Wait, what? Okay, so, I have a digestive disorder, so I'm going to include this in some of the posts (most of the food ones, and maybe a few of the electronics reviews...!) I make here, because my target audience is actually ME. That said, I'll be nice and mask them in the color of my background, so you can highlight to read if you actually want to.
Okay, so, I feel like this won't necessarily cause anything majorly catastrophic in terms of bathroom behavior. However, given the ingredients, I recommend lots of air freshening products and WWI-era gas masks. Things could get ugly. That said, minimal poop-age, more horrible gas.
Now, moving on!
The Drink
... Do you really have to ask? It's fucking Wild Cherry Pepsi and therefore amazing in a can.
The Can:
Not the Can:
Mmm, delicious.
The Verdict
All things considered, this was a pretty good meal. The frozen dinner was of good quality and what I expected from Amy's. At $4.89USD, however, it was kind of expensive for how... not-filling it was. So, pretty tasty, good ingredients, not very satisfying, little (immediate) discomfort, bright colours, and slightly expensive...
Amy's Southern Meals: Cornbread & Beans with Greens and Sweet Potatoes - 4/5
As for the Pepsi, shut up. You know it's amazing.
Wild Cherry Pepsi - 17/5
Recommended: Yes.
NOW GO AWAI!
Oh God, Not Again
Hi!
This is the 647th installment of Aly-Neil's (previously known as Aly, Aly, and Aly) foray into internet reviews. Welcome!
This blog is here because I can't post irrelevant shite on my Epinions account (they have this stupid rule about writing reviews that actually talk about the product at hand, what the fuck is that about?). That said, as infrequently as I write reviews there, that account will still exist. The Epinions account will remain my professional review-writey-thing (as in, I actually make money off of it) and this will be done totally for free! Out of the goodness of my cold and black heart, no less, because that's just the kind of guy I am. You should be feeling warmth in your heart right about now (unrelated to that taco you just ate, chap).
Okay, well, this is enough blithering. On with the reviews!
This is the 647th installment of Aly-Neil's (previously known as Aly, Aly, and Aly) foray into internet reviews. Welcome!
This blog is here because I can't post irrelevant shite on my Epinions account (they have this stupid rule about writing reviews that actually talk about the product at hand, what the fuck is that about?). That said, as infrequently as I write reviews there, that account will still exist. The Epinions account will remain my professional review-writey-thing (as in, I actually make money off of it) and this will be done totally for free! Out of the goodness of my cold and black heart, no less, because that's just the kind of guy I am. You should be feeling warmth in your heart right about now (unrelated to that taco you just ate, chap).
Okay, well, this is enough blithering. On with the reviews!
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